Avatar Attacks on Dave Strider
by Cetaci
Summary: This is a showing all of my attacks (via avatars) on the individual Dave Strider in the Land of Heat and Clockwork. Needless to say, there has not been a success. However, it may be achieved at some point.
1. Report 1

On a black metal platform, I look over an entire sea of lava. Heat surrounds me, liquid rock pours out into the sea. I give a high-pitch laugh that becomes a clicking, wheezy whistle. What is this place to me? It is a land to be conquered. Although my slippery grey skin my be burnt, I shall achieve dominance over here. What is in my way to stop me, anyway? So far, I have seen nothing but pathetic and small orange creatures which where slain with ease, leaving behind some sort of diamond-like material. It does not matter to me, however. I turn on my song for killing stuff, blasting it all around the world for all who come in my way to hear. With this music and my power, what can stop me now?

"Since this is my planet in this eldritch game of time-shit and fuck-all, I think we have to like, fight and shit like that."

What was that voice from behind? I turn around, and see nothing but a young boy in red clothing and sunglasses with a sword. I laugh again. "You believe you can stop me, human? I am an avatar of Cetaci! You shall-"and that's when I suddenly as feeling like my lower portion of my robotic leg wasn't there. I fall forward before this miserable child's feet, but stop myself from falling completely over by pounding my large, cybernetic hand near him, but he jumps back, and then, something run up me. I see _another_ one of him, which then jumps forward before he cuts off my hand with his weapon. Then the first one takes out turntables and disappears suddenly. Seeing my green, oily blood pour out, I scream out.

"Fuck you, you little shit! How the fuck can you be in two place at once? I'm going to rip you apart once I get a hold of you with another avatar!"

He says, standing over me, "I can do that because of mother-fucking time-travel." And, with that, he walks the fuck away like I was nothing. Then, I sea what looks like a giant orange lizard, as well as several more of those little fucks I killed earlier. I shout, "NO FAIR! NO FAIR!" as they then proceed to attack and kill my avatar. Goddamn assholes.

Ah well, this was simply an avatar, so I didn't really have anything happen to me at all! Meanwhile, I'm gonna go back and think about how this miserable little human could beat me so damn easily. I mean, this is fucking ridiculous: not only did I get my ass handed to me by a human being, but by a child! Maybe I should raise the bar and use a stronger avatar. Yeah, that sounds good.


	2. Report 2

So, after that avatars absolutely pathetic and dismal performance, I've decided to up the anti. Up the level from 1 to 5, giving him some magic and a sword. Now, this Dave Strider will have at least a bit of trouble. Oh, and also, I'll provide my avatar a squad of 8 pathetic humans armed with AK-47s. Surely, this will at least be enough to injure him mildly. And so to the Land of Heat and Clockwork my avatar goes!

Troop placement is on the giant-ass vinyl record. There, a place large enough to accommodate a force. Now, let's just wait a while for him to show-Oh fuck, not more of these orangey asshole monsters! Ah, one squad member got torn in half, another had his head bitten off, several are severely wounded, and the rest have at least some injury. The worst of it though is the fact my avatar got a cut on his hand. Ah well, At least there is a bunch more dead monsters. Ammunition is low as well. Fuckers ran off at one point. Hope they don't come-wait, what's that shade-wearing dude with a katana doing approaching my position?

Let's swap the viewpoint to my avatar, why don't we?

So, this Kamina-shades asshole in a hat with a fucking katana is approaching me. Ah well, guess I'm going to have to fight him my way, which means using magic! So, he's moving fast across the metal platforms, like some sort of ninja. I decide that he should face the power of lightning. I shout while blasting a beam of lightning at him,"EAT LIGHTNING, DOUCHEBAG!"

Ah fuck, I missed. I raise my sword into a defensive position as he jumps towards me and-

_Shink!_

And their goes my avatars head! Whelp, that sucked..._for him!_ Guess I'm going to have to try harder, as well as stay aware to what's going on elsewhere. I look at the guy in the hat. His name, according to the wiki, is Bro Strider. Wow, that's like the stupidest name I've heard. I mean, what kind of parent would name their kid that? A stupid one is the correct one, or at least one who hates their child. Or, it could be a "Boy Named Sue" situation. Ah fuck, who cares. I'm going to take a break from these Strider people. They have bullshit hax powers. Maybe I should work on something easier.


End file.
